Saturday, January 19, 2013

Wisdom can come from negativity

On Sunday I stood up, proclaimed "I need to take care of my heart," and stomped out of the Spiritual Heart and Inquiry group meeting at the public library. My heart beating as I drove, I went home and got on my pc, stepped down as the organizer of the Meetup group, and left the group. But it felt good and I was satisfied at the lesson learned.
I'd been wondering for much of the year how to deal with nihilists who came to the meeting negating, swearing, down talking to people. I knew absolutely that the group was unsafe for people going through sensitive heart openings. They would show up once or twice, share sweet and sometimes profound stories, and never come back. Three months ago I changed the group name and introduced two simple rules. So this time there were only 4 of us and one was an old guy that showed up every time, and persistently bent those rules of affirmation and nonviolence. He projected his own inner suffering and negativity on me one too many times, and that was it. I was out. What's the wisdom in that?
The wisdom is to know when to discern a futile situation and move on. I had been learning to go deeper from the repeated challenges during the past year. I finally realized there was no more to learn from it, and I need to channel my energy and inspiration in ways that offer less resistance. There are many of those opportunities! But the next old crank will come along, stuck in some void of nihilism after 30 years on the path, and I'll have to deal with him. But the now that never ends is well and continues to be well, and that's what matters.

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