3-13-12
Dear ShantiMayi,
It’s great to get your reply, and good timing as I didn’t
have much to say, just that I was getting back on the “path” and thinking of
you. Now in just six weeks, there is much to say. It’s been almost 15 years since we met in India, and 12 years since I stopped attending to my spiritual deepening. I’m picking it up again now because I completed my tour of this illusion, again. This time it is the failure to make a positive social impact, in my case applying my medical experience fully to improve the health care disaster in America. That failure left me suffering because of deep attachment to the outcome I expected from helping people. It came to me that there was nothing left to do but go again for the truth. The last few months, I’ve dialogued with a dozen teachers, read their websites, been to 30 satsangs, etc. My apologies in advance for a medium-long read.
In January the meditations started to clear up my mind quickly, and showed me that my heart had been closed , not the personal heart but the great heart. I started looking for someone to open me to it, and a month ago I found a nice website www.dorothyhunt.org. a psychotherapist recognized as awakened. It didn’t seem that she did much, more that I was just ready. The flow came, with all the body energy, sleep disturbance, etc. The only other time that happened was in November 1997 when you first looked at me at Sacha Dam. My jnani brain was swirling with questions (you remember that too!), and I asked her about people being lost in bliss, in fact a whole sangha I met in San Jose seemed to fit this, yet not fully awakened. And about those stuck in emptiness, without the heart open. She couldn’t say much, but started describing awakening as first an “up and out” and then a return to form that is “down and in.” She waved her arms about to demonstrate. This turned out to be a copycat teaching of Adyashanti. I can feel the flow of energy in various ways, but not like that. Very peculiar, perhaps just a fantasy. Feb 18, (I’ve been writing everything down, lol), I had the sudden realization that the only thing to do was to get out of my own way. Nothing else is to be done, and nothing is happening but the next moment. Of course I recognized what that is, there’s no joy or bliss as those are just aftereffects. I’m grateful that it feels natural, like nothing more than a heavy garment removed. There’s no need now for confirmation, or a teacher, as God and all her angels couldn’t come down and rip this out of me. Yet I need to share it with you, because you always come up within me when I do this work.
Now I’m questioning everything and everybody, and seeing through some of it. There’s dysfunction and inadequacy.
The next thing I know, I’m meeting Dorothy’s partner John Prendergast www.listeningfromsilence.com and tracking down their teacher www.adyashanti.org. Both have PhDs and run workshops on “nonduality”, where psychologists can even go and get education credits. “Adya” is the kingpin now in the Bay Area, and in addition to Dorothy and John has several awakened souls that say they are “teaching in the lineage of Adyashanti.” He fills up large conference rooms, and has books and an online course, etc. Another Adya offshoot I just saw is www.johnbernie.org. He’s the only teacher that seems to question anything, and commented that spiritual teachings are sometimes repackaged, as if they are “new and improved.” I’ve also seen www.pamelasatsang.org, who claims Ramana as her teacher because he appeared to her in her bedroom when she was 15. She also claims Robert Adams and a couple more. In fact, most of these teachers are claiming multiple teachers, even including Nisargadatta. Nobody uses the words master, or guru anymore. Everyone has read “Nis”as they refer to him. Nobody has read the Lankavatara, that I can determine, and from what I’m seeing I doubt they will.
Except for Adya, I’ve dialogued with all of them, some 2 or 3 times. With Adya, you have to have some kind of special recognition, but I’ll persist. I’m getting to the bottom of what these teachings are all about, and that keeps bringing me back to your teachings, how you would say that “we are privileged to be able to gather and talk about such things” and that “we should contemplate these matters very deeply.” Now it just looks like “pop enlightenment” around here. And everyone is so smooth, as though the sangha (if the term is deserved) is a customer that needs to be pleased. I miss your fire.
I have multiple lines of inquiry, starting with nonduality, which I think they have succeeded in degrading. John Bernie actually agreed with me on that. I always remember how you put it as one of the highest teachings, one that can hardly be talked about, and held the Lankavatara Sutra as perhaps the finest teaching about nonduality. Now the word is all over the satsang circuit, in workshops, on U-Tube videos, and John P. has a whole publication on it - www.undividedjournal.com. I expect to see it on a bumper sticker soon. I continue to interview the teachers, and have a couple more 1:1s coming up. It puts me in an odd position, because no other students/seekers that I see are asking about anything more than emotional problems, or sharing more than flashes of unitive or bliss experiences. I feel “turned out,” no longer interested in what’s going on with my personal experience, only wanting to explore the teachings and the contemplations that come when I “stay out of my own way.” I did my best to capture my core ideas on a website I made www.finalduality.org, which has some tracings from your teachings, which I can’t help – they’ll always be a part of me. Nobody’s looking at it, and I’m not publicizing. It’s just how I am shouting my truth right now.
The teachers are not addressing my questions well. I keep thinking I’m lacking clarity, and I spend hours contemplating how to be more clear. At some point I have to wonder if they just don’t have the capacity or experience to handle deep inquiry.
The only appearance Gangaji will make in the Bay Area this spring is on April 10, when I’ll do my best to have deep inquiry with her, which is always on a stage in front of 400 people. Some of the many “finders” she has recognized are still teaching around here.
I’m in the safest place I’ve ever been – the place with no walls, no sides, no up or down, and no knowns. It’s empty and it’s full, when I care to look. When I don’t look, it’s knowing absolutely that nothing is missing, I’m always where I’m supposed to be, and I’m home! I wish very, very much that all is well with you and everyone there. When are you coming to Calif? I can’t find it on your website, and Amrita didn’t return my email. I can call her.
Love,
Joel
3-17-12
I am not sure what I can do for you. Seems like you have a good deal of resource there.
I am not interested in Advaita...at all. I feel it is not taught well. But I really don't know
For myself...I am not a crowd please-er !
People have no idea and they think they have an idea.
I ask you..how can anyone know the incomprehensible? It is simply that we and all that appears to be is fundamentally incomprehensible...either we forget all our doubts and analysis and admit it
I very much like John Lamb Lash's book Not In His Image...really good reading. The first chapter is pretty much myth (in my view myth is our true history) and may or may not be interesting..but the rest of it is an exquisite jewel.
Advaita is wonderful but is a pathway and does not in it's self result in anything. As you know there is no pathway that takes one to enlightenment...why? Because you never left enlightenment. It is all around you and within you and there is no direction where the incomprehensible Totality is not. Either you accept it an watch that acknowledgment blossom in your experience or you keep looking for what can not be found but is all there is.
So .... I'm off to meet up with the Bushmen in the Kalahari after India.
Maharajji passed away in October...he was 88 years old. A wonderful being in my life.
Ok...Take care. I pray you simply acknowledge what can not be grasped but is yourself and flows throughout heaven and earth and streams through the cosmos as all that appears to be.
Blessings
ShantiMayi
Prebhu Apa Jago Meri Sarava Jago
Love and Blessings /sm
Mar 24
Dear ShantiMayi,
I'm happy to get your thoughtful response. I can never forget that you're the one who broke me open to the great heart. I regret that I turned my back on that (and my own oneness) but somehow there's been growth even in that, now that my attention is returned after these years away.
It's sad to hear about Maharaji although 88 is a nice age and I hope he didn't suffer much physically. It's very special that a lineage like yours can even have a foot in the west, at least as far as what I am seeing here, where people go to a few satsangs with somebody or even have an experience looking at some sage's picture, then find somebody else to "invite them to teach." It reminds me of a joke we used to tell during my surgical training in the 1980s: "see one, do one, teach one."
I have always appreciated your fierce heart, and it's what I miss now. Is it possible for you to share such exchanges as this from time to time? I think that's what I need, an anchor to the truth, outside of the crowd-pleasing here. I'm reading the Lankavtara lately, dissecting the 108 questions of Mahamati, amazing how fresh it seems. Nobody here has even heard of it, lol.
Thanks for the mention of Lash's book, which I should order from Amazon. The paradox (in the intro) he faced all his life: feeling compassion for humanity and, at the same time, suffering a certain repulsion for it - resonates.
There is a peculiar thing going on with me as I go to all these gatherings, dialog with the teachers, read their stuff, and wonder how they can get away with falling so short of touching the truth. One of them answered my inquiry by saying "why do you care?"
I don't know that I really even do care. All I know is that as long as I stay out of my own way, which I believe I am now able to do, this is simply what happens. It doesn't occur to me to try to stop it.
Oh, have a great trip to see the Dogon, I read about them years ago, that should be fascinating to encounter them from the perspective that you have. I hope you'll share about it.
Love always,
Joel
Dearest Joel,
Of course we can write. I look forward to our exchange.
Maharajji was very fragile in his past 5 years. I am
light in my heart about his passing....He is released from a very very delicate and troubled body and very weak health.
It was not easy at all for him in the last couple of years...he is free of the body...that's a very good thing and we...are freely swimming in his grace and the beauty of having had him in our lives.
He is still around.
I feel that (maybe some, maybe many)people get really stuck in their heads over this "non dualism". Seems to me that (I can be mistaken about this because I am not in the circle of satsanghs)...seems to me that the teachings do not get to the depth of experience that they truly rise and plummet to.
It becomes kind of mental stagnation...and I find a kind of fundamentalism among the "non dualists". I find the term non dualism dualistic.
I am not at all against the teachings. I simply observe that so often people who are going that pathway are very narrow and think they know...
what I have found is that whatever it is that I am...I do not know but perceive the unknowable mystery that appears to be.Neither right nor wrong..neither knowing nor not knowing.
I know these are slippery words...but that being so....
I hear so many times...all is JUST mind...well that's a very trite statement to me. Little is known about what mind, perception, consciousness is or is not. Consciousness itself, is now on the leading edge of science.
I really love a guy named Dr. Robert Lanza. (AND MANY OTHER GREAT PEOPLE outside the spiritual scene).
He is very conservative and yet very very open. He kind of shows the opening mind of the conservative scientist. He's a "time engendering" scientist and is a leading stem cell scientist.He was instrumental in cloning an endangered species ... check him out on Wikipedia.
i get a bit tired of the "little spiritual box."
It feels stale to me and a bit stuck.
I love John Lamb Lash and his Gnostic research and understanding.
His book "Not in His Image" is really wonderful. A fresh and marvelous offering of a deep and profound view.
I love the indigenous people who care about the timeless cosmic laws of their traditions.
I am not interested in becoming uninterested in the experience of consciousness. I am far too curious and I love too deeply and am in aw of the expressions of the cosmic imagination in full and constant appearing and disappearing. I love the sacredness of the heart beat and the beauty that is all around me. I cherish the challenges of spiritual deep deep wisdom that is undecipherable.
That's pretty much where I am at...I am not willing to be bored.
Love and Blessings
ShantiMayi
On Thu, Mar 29, 2012 at 9:23 AM, Joel Weddington <joelweddington@gmail.com> wrote:
Dear Shantimayi,
I always think for a while before I write you but I just got caught now listening to your voice on the mp3 download from Wandering Starr (thanks to Sahara for giving me the link). It's so great to hear your voice, and also to resonate with everything you are saying, personally. Going to India to see you can really get under my skin, I mean in a good way, and I will be looking into it. I have more to say...but letting thoughts settle. It's nice to consider the presence of awakening at Sacha Dam for so many years, Maharajji and you. There is nothing like that here. I just wanted to send you this note quickly in appreciation.
Love,
Joel
Love and Blessings /sm
3-31-12
Dear Shantimayi
DEAREST JOEL,
THAT FELLOW IN AUSTRALIA DOES NOT SPEAK TO ME ANYMORE. I EVEN FORGOT HIS NAME. BUT I DO KNOW WHO YOU MEAN. HE KEPT IN CONTACT WITH RUSS MY SON.
THE WORD MASTER OR SATGURU DO NOT REALLY MEAN MUCH WHEN THEY ARE HUNG OUT LIKE A SIGN...
ACTUALLY TO WHAT DEGREE DOES ONE ACCOMPLISH SUCH TITLES AND THEN...? I FEEL A SPIRITUAL MASTER MEANS IN THE TRUEST SENSE SPIRITUAL SERVANT AND THAT TO ME IS PERFECTLY WONDERFUL.
WELL, I AM REALLY BUSY RIGHT NOW...SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME FOR ONLY A FEW DAYS. I AM ABOUT TO LEAVE INDIA GO TO DELHI, MOVING IT, PACKING IT, RETURNING FROM DELHI AND GOING TO DELHI AGAIN WITHIN JUST A FEW DAYS. SO THAT;S WHY I AM A BIT LATE ON THE ANSWER AND A BIT QUICK TO GIVE A LOVING BUT SHORT ANSWER HERE AND NOW.
I WILL BE IN FRANCE AROUND THE 15TH FOR A COUPLE WEEKS SO THERE WE CAN PICK IT UP AGAIN...WOULD THAT BE FINE WITH YOU?
LOVE BEING IN TOUCH...
SHANTIMAYI
On Wed, Apr 4, 2012 at 2:58 PM, Joel Weddington <joelweddington@gmail.com> wrote:
Dear Shantimayi,I hope you are safe on your travels and getting ready to go to Africa. That was Janak in New Zealand, who had shared with me that you had instructed him to go teach and then went against it, something like that, more or less. He found a little old Indian man who became his next teacher in some other part of India, and he sent me a picture of the guy. I don't pretend to know what happened, and excuse me if I'm being gossipy. I only know that all is well now, no matter what!It's sad that there seems to be no holy words left now. Satguru is even the name of an online consulting company here.Thank you for your replies, I'll be listening to your talks and readin John Lash Lamb's book that you recomended. I'm getting it from Amazon. We'll be in touch later when you have a chance.Love and light,Joel
Dear ShantiMayi,
I've waited to write, as you suggested, maybe a little more, and I hope your travels are keeping you and the sangha safe, and you are able to see what the Dogons are all about. I didn't know they were down there in South Africa, I thought it was Mali or some place.
Actually, I couldn't wait anymore to write you because I was having a waking dream at 5am about you - and found tears in my eyes. (Not the first time). The tears are because I review my activities over the past few months, and they make me appreciate you so much.
There's too much to say, I'll try not to write so much and if you don't have time to reply it's okay, but I would love a short note just to know this reached you. (I want to write you all the time, but I'm learning patience. I know the sangha is extensive).
I listened to and studied your teachings on the Song of Tilopa and The Gospel of Mary Magdalene, and what food for my heart and mind! I'm also reading "In His Image" by John Lash, you recommended. It's an amazing insight, an exposure of the lies sold to everbody for so many centuries, and rings so true, but undoubtedly won't assail the culture of "Christianity" as they call it, which is probably in the Human DNA by now. Yet it's so good to know the truth. I read everything I can, I even read about the Aghora of Sri Katcha Baba, and looked up Tilopa's lineage - I want to know how everything begins.
What's really going on with me, is some feeling about the knife of discernment being sharpened in me. I've been to about 40 teachings (most mustn't be honored by the word satsang) since January (and some stuff in the year before that), and dialogued with most of the 20 teachers I've seen, some of them extensively. I obssess and swim in spiritual inquiry, and dream it at night. It's absolutely, absolutely amazing and sad the spiritual drivel and disrespect that people are enduring here. www.jackieokeeffe.com uttered the words "it's okay to hate," "the heart is over-rated," "compassion is over-rated," and in response to my question about service, "don't be of service, be selfish." I told one of my fellow seekers that she was a monster, then had immediate insight that I must keep shut about such opinions. I asked www.jonbernie.org what can be done for people who are stuck in their journeys, for example stuck in empty awareness with no heart, and he said "why do you care?" I only give these links because I know you are always curious, just in case you care to look, not to waste your energy. There are thousands of seekers going around here looking for a hit of bliss or a solution to some deeply rooted issue that in actuality needs psychotherapy or medication. That's why these teachers can assemble 100 seekers practically at the drop of a hat. Everyone is desparate for a hint of freedom. I laugh at myself, because it's all crazy. I contemplate some "deep" question, go to events and push these teachers until they get flustered, or change the subject. Some students called me the "guy who asked that question", lol. I do my best to be respectful, but when I see them on the stage parading the Truth and with no heart in it, I can't help it. I journal my questions and their answers, like a spy with a black book. It looks like I'm doing a lot of work I'm sure, but it's just what's happening. Without being disrespectful by using the word, there's a feeling of playing, and it's inspiring. I keep looking, and observing self. I see that what is happening, just happens when I stay out of my own way. If there is a thought to do anything concrete it's to write, write again, I love to write, and eventually maybe I'll get some of the words right. So here in the Bay Arera we have the "satsang circuit," that I'm starting to think of as the satsang "circus." Though there were a couple of good heart experiences here, and www.adyashanti.org isn't half bad.
What's really amazing, and what brings the tears, is this heart and mind offering you give, with nothing missing and nothing that isn't supposed to be there. I've picked up the Lankavatara again because nobody reads it, and I ask teachers questions from it, about Duality and the Great Compassionate Heart, that they don't answer well. I never forget how this sutra blew some minds of the sangha in India when you assigned it to us.
You must let me know if a letter like this is too long, so I don't use too much of your time. The point I'm trying to make is that after shaking most of the trees here looking for balanced heart and wisdom, your teachings are so sweet and powerful, and the dedication you show is so big I can't not tell you how much I miss you. Somebody needs to jump up and down and assure you that NOBODY is doing ANYTHING like that here!. I miss your truth. When I see you, I hope you will have some time for me to go into things deeply together. Or, when you have that time, let me know and I'll do my very best to be there. I'm not going to find anybody like you!
Love always,
Joel
ps - you must know that you were the very first person I reached for to guide me when I decided to return my attention fully to our ultimate nature, in January. Everything is working out perfectly.
Dearest Joel,
Robert Adams use to say that "the student gets the teacher they deserve". I'm actually pretty sure that RA was not the first to say so.
It is an interesting point you bring up about heart...It's a wide open window that is utterly unexplainable...love is incredibly demanding.
It leave no stone unturned and rejects no one...if you like or do not like does not matter...love insists that you are clear that all beings are
absolutely total. Not non dual, not dual..but total. No parts, no gap, no divisions and divisions are apparent...but... simply total.
That is what love insists upon when you go deeply enough down the rabbit hole.
I did a little survey once of Masters of the "non duality" (this term is so misleading) "teaching". Nasargadatta spoke of the power of love,
Ramana spoke of the power of love, Neem Karoli Baba spoke of the power of love, Ananda Mayi Ma spoke of the power of love.
They were Mountainous Giants of wisdom. The kind of love I speak of has it's inception in the Pleroma , the original imagination of the creative intelligence of the infinite eternal universal(s) experience(s). It is poetic and open, reveals the "Truth" when you care to "see" it.
It is perception unencumbered by familiarity. It is a leaf in the spring, a river, a blanket of snow, a hot summer's day, a profound life challenge, a pile of shit and the dust on a parched road. It is beyond all of this and right in the center of all of this at once.
This wide open space is what Tilopa referred to as sheer awareness.
One need not look for satisfaction, even spiritual satisfaction when they open that window, because so much is revealed in a deep, a very very deep way, through that opening.
I am not speaking of Bhakti where one is in love with the Divine far from one's self and longing is the silver chord that brings the idea of separation.
I am speaking of the eyes, the quality that looks though all of the foolishness, the immaturity, the arrogance, the control, the dismissive.
I am speaking of the visionary that looks beyond the actions of others while reflecting on one's own actions and sees the horizon of wisdom and essence in all of it.
As Krishna said on the battle field of Kurusherta...when he shape-shifted into Vishnu..."all beings are coming to me from all sides, Arjuna".
Arjuna was really "freaked out"...but what Vishnu said was profound and intimately insightful...as Vishnu would be.
Regardless of who they are and how they are, everyone is returning to the totality that they have always been. No one has really ever left home. I love when Magdalena said..."and I realized that the fetter of forgetfulness was temporary". This is a beautiful elaboration and key to clarity about the way it is...so to speak.
Though "Truth" can not be told, spoken or even pointed to, there is a tacit poetic resonance that brings such an insight,
that we can not say what it is... that has been revealed, such as Mary's statement.
Yet, we have actually have "embodied" that clarity in our eyes, in our soul, and beyond all that we appear to be.It is so elegant and exquisite and can not be called, nothing or "just" illusion.
I love what Huang Po says in his Zen Teachings. I will write it in my own words because I like how I say what he says, better than how he says it...but it is close. "though there is no indwelling reality in any of this, in some marvelous way, it does exist".
That's a good one "the Zen Teachings of Huang Po and that could be read next to "The Miracle of Love by Ram Dass". An interesting mixture.
One of the things I love love love is to dip into different ways of clarity (I am not so fond of the word understanding).
I will not meet the Dogon and yes they are in Mali. Right now Mali is in a world of hurt. I will see the Bushman.
I have seen, through different views, that some think making money in the spiritual arena is sinful...not according to the Peruvian
Mystics, they expect alot from their students. In some of the Native American traditions, a twin soul holy person is one that is born homosexual, in some of the Aboriginal tribes, it is seen as an abnormality and some adjustment goes on to get the persons back to normal.
I love these vast differences. It shows that tradition fits the ones who abide in them. It works well for the people so inclined to that particular tradition. I respect them all and keep my mind clear of analysis. I just listen without comment inner or outer, so that I may learn about the people I am with.
I am not anything nor do I wish to abide along any pathway. What is presented to me is what I listen to, take it in and if it is in resonance with my heart...it takes it's resonant seat, if not, then it disappears.
There are many half baked pots that are "in" the "teaching scene".
Telling people all kinds of stuff. Taking on personas that don't belong to them. And they attract many many people. OK...whatever.
We are all learning and Coyote is very busy these days. He is the trickster...attempting to test our resolution to the commitment we have made to ourselves. He's so busy and wow does he love to be busy.
"All beings are coming to me from all sides Arjuna"...Remember the end of Mary's telling of the tree? When she said the most difficult passage was / is to pass by the deceivers? That is very accurate. Everything we need arises from within us and all that we experience apparently in or out are not ...in reality... two directions.
Love and Blessings
ShantiMayi
Dearest Joel,
Robert Adams use to say that "the student gets the teacher they deserve". I'm actually pretty sure that RA was not the first to say so.
It is an interesting point you bring up about heart...It's a wide open window that is utterly unexplainable...love is incredibly demanding.
It leave no stone unturned and rejects no one...if you like or do not like does not matter...love insists that you are clear that all beings are
absolutely total. Not non dual, not dual..but total. No parts, no gap, no divisions and divisions are apparent...but... simply total.
That is what love insists upon when you go deeply enough down the rabbit hole.
I did a little survey once of Masters of the "non duality" (this term is so misleading) "teaching". Nasargadatta spoke of the power of love,
Ramana spoke of the power of love, Neem Karoli Baba spoke of the power of love, Ananda Mayi Ma spoke of the power of love.
They were Mountainous Giants of wisdom. The kind of love I speak of has it's inception in the Pleroma , the original imagination of the creative intelligence of the infinite eternal universal(s) experience(s). It is poetic and open, reveals the "Truth" when you care to "see" it.
It is perception unencumbered by familiarity. It is a leaf in the spring, a river, a blanket of snow, a hot summer's day, a profound life challenge, a pile of shit and the dust on a parched road. It is beyond all of this and right in the center of all of this at once.
This wide open space is what Tilopa referred to as sheer awareness.
One need not look for satisfaction, even spiritual satisfaction when they open that window, because so much is revealed in a deep, a very very deep way, through that opening.
I am not speaking of Bhakti where one is in love with the Divine far from one's self and longing is the silver chord that brings the idea of separation.
I am speaking of the eyes, the quality that looks though all of the foolishness, the immaturity, the arrogance, the control, the dismissive.
I am speaking of the visionary that looks beyond the actions of others while reflecting on one's own actions and sees the horizon of wisdom and essence in all of it.
As Krishna said on the battle field of Kurusherta...when he shape-shifted into Vishnu..."all beings are coming to me from all sides, Arjuna".
Arjuna was really "freaked out"...but what Vishnu said was profound and intimately insightful...as Vishnu would be.
Regardless of who they are and how they are, everyone is returning to the totality that they have always been. No one has really ever left home. I love when Magdalena said..."and I realized that the fetter of forgetfulness was temporary". This is a beautiful elaboration and key to clarity about the way it is...so to speak.
Though "Truth" can not be told, spoken or even pointed to, there is a tacit poetic resonance that brings such an insight,
that we can not say what it is... that has been revealed, such as Mary's statement.
Yet, we have actually have "embodied" that clarity in our eyes, in our soul, and beyond all that we appear to be.It is so elegant and exquisite and can not be called, nothing or "just" illusion.
I love what Huang Po says in his Zen Teachings. I will write it in my own words because I like how I say what he says, better than how he says it...but it is close. "though there is no indwelling reality in any of this, in some marvelous way, it does exist".
That's a good one "the Zen Teachings of Huang Po and that could be read next to "The Miracle of Love by Ram Dass". An interesting mixture.
One of the things I love love love is to dip into different ways of clarity (I am not so fond of the word understanding).
I will not meet the Dogon and yes they are in Mali. Right now Mali is in a world of hurt. I will see the Bushman.
I have seen, through different views, that some think making money in the spiritual arena is sinful...not according to the Peruvian
Mystics, they expect alot from their students. In some of the Native American traditions, a twin soul holy person is one that is born homosexual, in some of the Aboriginal tribes, it is seen as an abnormality and some adjustment goes on to get the persons back to normal.
I love these vast differences. It shows that tradition fits the ones who abide in them. It works well for the people so inclined to that particular tradition. I respect them all and keep my mind clear of analysis. I just listen without comment inner or outer, so that I may learn about the people I am with.
I am not anything nor do I wish to abide along any pathway. What is presented to me is what I listen to, take it in and if it is in resonance with my heart...it takes it's resonant seat, if not, then it disappears.
There are many half baked pots that are "in" the "teaching scene".
Telling people all kinds of stuff. Taking on personas that don't belong to them. And they attract many many people. OK...whatever.
We are all learning and Coyote is very busy these days. He is the trickster...attempting to test our resolution to the commitment we have made to ourselves. He's so busy and wow does he love to be busy.
"All beings are coming to me from all sides Arjuna"...Remember the end of Mary's telling of the tree? When she said the most difficult passage was / is to pass by the deceivers? That is very accurate. Everything we need arises from within us and all that we experience apparently in or out are not ...in reality... two directions.
Love and Blessings
ShantiMayi
Dear Master,
I am honored by your beautiful letter that took me to the wordless place. I received transmission when I opened it and began reading. There was so much energy flowing through my body, I needed to go out and take a run:). I like to study it, and reply thoughtfully once I get my thoughts in order. I love you.
Joel
4-25-12
Joel...got it...!! LOVE IT!!!
Prebhu Apa Jago Meri Sarava Jago
Love and Blessings /sm
4-28-12
Dear Master,
I love everything you say about the heart, and there is solittle of it going around here, or if there is a light to be found there is no wisdom.Ramana said something about the mind being within the heart (I refer to a nicewebsite with his teachings) and isn’t amazing to find that the heart really isbigger than the mind – I thought there could be a decent concept of the heart,how absurd! Can we say that the mind is born from the heart, like an after-effect,after the appearance of the Great Heart from the seed of this illusion. (Isteal the from “Great Heart of Compassion,” it just seems right. This great heart is the only thing that cangive me relief from my mental slavings of “trying” to understand everything. It’sbeautiful to relate the wisdom of the great masters to the power of love. Theyhad it all! I think it is true to say the heart has its own wisdom, but don’t wehave to be able to cognize that to be free of cognition? Can the heart be theTruth, even wisdom? Then the whole concept, and my ongoing inquiry into “freedomfrom what?” arises. I have to warn you, I’m not through with my Jnanimachinations, but I’ll do my best to keep them in some sort of context! Butmost important, always, always to look and see that they come from the heart. That’s the way thoughtscan stay inspiring, maybe even be meaningful.
The light I have found around here is no more than what Ican feel when I’m sitting still in my living room. It’s okay, I will go to theother side of the world to find the light that is greaterJ.
I want to share what most inspired me from the Song of Tilopa,actually in the introduction, although I appreciated all of it. Especially howTilopa repeatedly points to the truth as inexpressible and does so by pointingout that it is beyond sages and philosophers. Buddha also does that, the Truthis the Truth. I just like it when it is asserted that nothing can be asserted,hehe. This part really resonates with me:
Naropa…realized heneeded to find the teacher in order to achieve full realization. He abandonedhis position…and set out to find Tilopa. Naropa then underwent what is known asthe twelve minor hardships in his quest to find his teacher, all the hardshipsbeing hidden teachings on his path to enlightenment…While studying andmeditating with Tilopa, Naropa had to undergo a further twelve trainings toovercome all the obstacles on his path, culminating in his full realization ofMahāmudrā. Naropa spent a total of twelve years with Tilopa. I like itJ
It occurs to me that the ascension story of the Gospel ofMagdalena is like the stages of Bodhisattvahood culminating in Tahagatahood, asin the Lankavatara, and brings to mind also the chakras, the “crown” of thetree corresponding to the crown chakra. The 8th of course beingbeyond chakras, not even being “seen” until she flew upwards from the tree, hersoul itself being consumed. I know that these ideas have all been worked out,and I’m not being original – just sharing what comes up. Isn’t it amazing, and atthe same time evil, that this sort of beautiful, deep writing wasn’t put in thebible? Thanks for Lash’s book to explain why. Getting a source to expose the wholeof Christianity, to me a path that has been always both bitter and sweet, is agift.
I like that you point out the most difficult part was topass by the deceivers, and about coyote. I have been questioning why I seem so caughtup with investigating these teachers and seekers here, almost obsessively. Whydo I keep finding their faults, and deceptions, and get cynical in the process?Maybe it has something to do with learning what I don’t know, and even learningwhat I know, and just becoming a more dedicated Dharma student. But the thingthat I know with absolute certainty is that it is what points me back to you,and that is what is supposed to happen.
Love and light,
Joel
Ps – I have so much more to say but I learn to find a pace. I’m inspired and very lucky that you attend to me4-28-12
Dearest Joel, I am packing now, getting ready for South Africa
...Let us see if I can get back to you in the next day or so.
I love you so much.
Blessings
Shantimayi
4-28-12
Dearest Joel,
Dear Master,
I love everything you say about the heart, and there is solittle of it going around here, or if there is a light to be found there is no wisdom.Ramana said something about the mind being within the heart (I refer to a nicewebsite with his teachings) and isn’t amazing to find that the heart really isbigger than the mind –
WELL now...let us really consider this carefully. Who can measure the heart or mind? It might be a way of saying something, that this is this and that is that... B U T...
OK, The thoughts that we create are divisive, the heart is itself unity. But I ask you again, who has a measuring
apparatus that measures the immeasurable? Cognitive science has great difficulty even saying what cognition is.
I can not say anything about how big this is, compared to that and what is inside of what.
I have a view about intelligence or mind. I am not intending to 'convince' anyone of this, it is the way I see it.
Whatever it is that brings all this into experience...I sense that there is but One Cosmic Mind and One Mind Alone.
'That Mind' creates colors, shapes, differences, emotions, talent, dullness, brilliance, solar systems, time, timelessness, and all the beings that are, ever have been, ever shall be. Their histories and all that they are, bone, muscle, brain and so on. Worlds within worlds and dimensions infinite and diverse, some mixing like raindrops merging in rings on a still pool's surface. Some do not mix, like oil and water. Whatever can be or can not be or never will be, is brought about by Cosmic Intelligence.
My humble (right or wrong) view is that we, whomever we are, from nano to molecular to kaleidoscopic diversity... like eternal threads, spinning, weaving , coming, going. All are of One Cosmic Mind.
We, whomever we may be, from a blade of grass to a stellar nursery, each, have a unique experience within (so to speak) the One Cosmic Mind. We are all of the 'same' (same is a very feeble term) Incomprehensible Intelligence.
All being "That Intelligence", each in a totally intimate and (again) incomprehensible manner. We think and feel and do and don't within (so to speak) the One Mind...The Great Mystery as the Lakota say respectfully of That which is all that is. My view ... incomprehensible.
I thought there could be a decent concept of the heart,how absurd!
IT IS A CONSTANT EXPANSION OF WISDOM... EVEN AND PARTICULARLY BEYOND what we call heart or love.
Can we say that the mind is born from the heart, like an after-effect,after the appearance of the Great Heart from the seed of this illusion.
Mmmmmmm... n o. Whatever we may say in 'closed terms' (means THAT"S IT) will be not correct.
(Isteal the from “Great Heart of Compassion,” it just seems right).
Mmmmm for now. It might appear to be correct for now...but to be sure, the 'genuine article' will erase any idea that attempts to define it.
This great heart is the only thing that cangive me relief from my mental slavings of “trying” to understand everything.
It does open an elegant window of awe.
It’s beautiful to relate the wisdom of the great masters to the power of love.
Indeed.
Theyhad it all!
Or were it.
I think it is true to say the heart has its own wisdom, but don’t wehave to be able to cognize that to be free of cognition?
We are never free of cognition, as long as we live and perhaps as we close the door to the Earth Experience as well.
Some say they know everything about beyond, my view..it is all speculation.
And why does cognition represent non-freedom?
Can the heart be theTruth, even wisdom?
Wisdom indeed .."Truth" is a slippery idea. Either everything is 'True' or it is not and both are so at once.
Then the whole concept, and my ongoing inquiry into “freedom from what?” arises. I have to warn you, I’m not through with my Jnani machinations, but I’ll do my best to keep them in some sort of context! Butmost important, always, always to look and see that they come from the heart. That’s the way thought scan stay inspiring, maybe even be meaningful.
All wise , really wise beings are clear that there is an alchemy of heart and mind. In the old alchemical schools it was called the marriage of heart and mind...they are not seperate, they are not two. There is no Jnan without love and there is no love without Jnan.
The light I have found around here is no more than what Ican feel when I’m sitting still in my living room.
It’s okay, I will go to the other side of the world to find the light that is greater.
It is within you and you need not look elsewhere.I want to share what most inspired me from the Song of Tilopa,actually in the introduction, although I appreciated all of it. Especially howTilopa repeatedly points to the truth as inexpressible and does so by pointingout that it is beyond sages and philosophers. Buddha also does that, the Truthis the Truth.
There is no difference between Buddha and Tilopa or you for that matter.
I just like it when it is asserted that nothing can be asserted,hehe. This part really resonates with me:
Naropa…realized heneeded to find the teacher in order to achieve full realization. He abandonedhis position…and set out to find Tilopa. Naropa then underwent what is known asthe twelve minor hardships in his quest to find his teacher, all the hardshipsbeing hidden teachings on his path to enlightenment…While studying andmeditating with Tilopa, Naropa had to undergo a further twelve trainings toovercome all the obstacles on his path, culminating in his full realization ofMahāmudrā. Naropa spent a total of twelve years with Tilopa. I like it.
Me too. I love it : )
It occurs to me that the ascension story of the Gospel ofMagdalena is like the stages of Bodhisattvahood culminating in Tahagatahood, asin the Lankavatara, and brings to mind also the chakras, the “crown” of thetree corresponding to the crown chakra. The 8th of course beingbeyond chakras, not even being “seen” until she flew upwards from the tree, hersoul itself being consumed. I know that these ideas have all been worked out,and I’m not being original – just sharing what comes up. Isn’t it amazing, and atthe same time evil, that this sort of beautiful, deep writing wasn’t put in thebible? Thanks for Lash’s book to explain why. Getting a source to expose the wholeof Christianity, to me a path that has been always both bitter and sweet, is agift.
No one has all the answers...there comes a time when we basically abandon "knowing anything". Lash offers great gifts in my view.I like that you point out the most difficult part was topass by the deceivers, and about coyote. I have been questioning why I seem so caughtup with investigating these teachers and seekers here, almost obsessively. Why do I keep finding their faults, and deceptions, and get cynical in the process?
Perhaps because you need to look within yourself. No one will give you what you already have and...maybe you simply don't like their method of "teaching". That's honest...but I wonder why you would return? Must be getting some reminders.
Maybe it has something to do with learning what I don’t know, and even learningwhat I know, and just becoming a more dedicated Dharma student.
Just find your heart and silence your mind, be kind to yourself...
But the thingthat I know with absolute certainty is that it is what points me back to you,and that is what is supposed to happen.
Love and light,
Loving each other is a great experience.
I love you too...very very much.
Blessings
ShantiMayi
Joel
Ps – I have so much more to say but I learn to find a pace.I’m inspired and very lucky that you attend to me.
PS I am here and please...look and see if what I say resonates...it is up to you always. I am only sharing my view...
SHANTIMAYI REFERED TO MY LETTER ABOUT THE HEART IN GIVING STARRMNEDIA TRANSMISSION 4-28! I REPLIED WITH A VM ABOUT GRACE, AND THIS:
Dearest Master,
I'd like you to know that I study everything you write and say, nothing is lost or missed. I wish Sahara sent an email notice everytime StarrMedia transmissions go out so I didn't miss days getting them!
Your letters coming, and listening to you, causes my physical energy and my thoughts to change. I have to wait a few days to let things settle down, but they don't really. They just keep evolving.
I liked hearing the crunch of your footsteps on the forest floor in France. I thought you were in Africa! But, I'm pretty sure I have your itnerary correct now :). I attached a voice mail for you.
Love,
Joel
5-3-12
Dear Master,
Your communications more than resonate, they ignite. I was interested in hearing your comment in the StarrMedia about students who you open the heart to, and they run away or think they will dissolve. I see this happening even to some around here, with the lesser teachers, (I will be calling them "philosophers" from now on, when I can't buy that they are in the Truth - I love that Buddha did that). I have investigated this phenomenon about those (formerly me too) who run away or hide from the light, and I am happy to share my contemplation sometime, if and when you like. (Humbly, no claim to know much, really).
You wrote to me about measuring the heart or mind, and that thoughts are divisive, heart is unity. What I learn from that is to be careful in using the discriminating mind to compare heart and mind to this and that, which is in actuality is a way of receding from the Truth, and to be VERY CAREFUL in using word-discrimination in addressing the Great Heart, which is unity beyond grasping. So there is silence of mind in the heart...contemplation becomes grasping at the ungraspable. That's for the transmission to deliver, which is what this teaching gives me, and why I use the word "ignite." (I condense a thousand words here into a paragraph),
Your illustration of mind as that which creates...various objects, to art, to time itself...and that some do not mix, like oil and water, it focuses me, maybe I'm just ready for such resonance. Looking at it as a whole is Grace to me...I hope what I said in my sound byte about Grace didn't bother you too much!)
One of my inquiries is to not just define, but compare and inter-relate the words, unity, consciousness, mind, awareness, ego...but I have some maturing to do, more inquiries, and getting more clarity first. A young woman in a gathering recently, stood up and very innocently asked the teacher "can you explain to me what is consciousness?" He (Jeff Foster) literally dead-panned, and sort of stumbled around about it. It's the sort of disservice that drives me to go deeper, and study. I have the Rigveda up on one of my browser windows right now, I can't wait to go back before Buddha, before the Upanishads, and study the first known Masters. (And all the rest - I have a new love for all of this!).
I'd like to share about John Lash. IMHO he delivers great wisdom, but also harsh wisdom. It's deserving that he dismantles Christianity, and I like that he's bold enough to question the teachings of Jesus. But the way he goes about it is disrespectful, may even shows shades of ignorance. I have been around enough Christians who were loving and authentic people to suggest that one shouldn't throw Jesus teachings out with the bath water. Asserting that Jesus plagiarized older teachings, and complaining that we study him only through expositions by others ignores that other historical figures including Buddha (to a lesser extent of course) have been the same. In any event, the legacy is the word, or the Dharma, not the biographical sketch.
Anyway, doesn't an embodiment just gives the mind something to grasp on its way to letting go? Shouldn't we also look at the fruits of the teachings, to discern their value?
Otherwise Lash's book is giving me a deep appreciation for the amazing Gnostics.
When you use words like Incomprehensible Intelligence, alchemy of heart and mind, and reassert things like It is within you and you need not look elsewhere, I feel myself "swing back to the center," so to speak, the center being the way to the Truth. I am grateful.
Just find your heart and silence your mind, be kind to yourself...you said. Words like this, simple and obvious before, have some sort of new meaning. Everything means more now.
All my love,
Joel
5-5-12
Dear Master ShantiMayi,
I've just had the realization that I don't need to ask you for direct teachings anymore, (for now anyway), because your generous responses have given me the feeling of having this wide open connection with you, unbounded by space or time. It's the feeling that everything I will ever need or want to know is right in front of me suddenly, so there's no need to be in a hurry to get it. Also, having thoroughly read through and listened to everything of yours that I can find, it is "full teaching" which surpasses everything I've been getting from other embodied teachers or philosophers, and exactly what I was praying I would find. My energy level from connecting with you remains increased but it is always fine because I know how to keep grounded to earth. Of course anything you wish to say or do is always received with grattitude and full attention. I'm really lucky that all this is happening for me right now.
I feel "the time is now" strongly, also - it's why Im turned fully back to the Dharma. I think you will understand if I jump into a proposal for action and not beat around the bush. Feeling fully connected to the Dharma through you, my heart and mind full, I wish to connect with the sangha and be of service, fit in, and find out what needs to be done. There are two reasons for this:
-Saharah is too busy to respond to some of my emails, and neglects to answer my offers to help. There is no good way to donate to you online, the websites are outdated, social media and online videos are poorly functioning or obsolete. Numerous other ways to share your Wisdom have apparently not been used.
-I have gained skills and experience in doing this work and am lead organizer for a lesser teacher in this area, doing social media for a couple of them. Akemi and I volunteer at spiritual gatherings and events all over the Bay area. I am ready to transition all of this to be in your service. I have the patience to deal with the neurotic personalities that are always around, and over weeks or months believe I can be an integral part of your service to Truth.
Your message is powerful and I don't need to reassert how it surpasses others. There must come along those who have the ability and passion to help deliver it to the world. I want to be one of them. Besides Sahara, who can I call, email, or contact to get going on this?
Love,
Joel
Taking refuge in Dharma and Buddha, now looking for my sangha:)
5-5-12 (1 hour later!)
Dearest Joel,
Sahara said he did answer you and suggested you meet us in Australia.
We don't feel that the website is not good, it is exactly what I want ...just a presentation page.
I don't have any neurotic personalities around me Beloved Joel.
The videos are fine and actually, I am not so fond of videos and would
rather take them off than to replace them for now.
I love that you feel the message from here surpasses others. There are really many
great souls on planet right now that are very compelling.They are not of the satsangh scene.
I love that you wish to do something for me and perhaps it is possible, but for now...
I do not know what that is because everything you mentioned is wrong...is ok with me as it is..
Love you dearly.
Sahara is very busy with the Africa journey and likely just got swamped.
ShantiMayi
5-5-12
Dear ShantiMayi,
My apologies for making erroneous assumptions and for being derogatory in any way to anyone. I hope your wanderings keep you safe. I'll follow along and observe what unfolds:)
Love,
Joel
5-8-12
Dear Master,
I'd like to share with you one of my inquiries, with the hope that you can reply as to whether it has enough merit to for further or ongoing contemplation. I'm calling it the "final duality."
When I returned my attention to the "spiritual journey" in January, I noticed the widespread use of the term nonduality. Your use of this word was uncommon in the late '90s, so I was inspired that people's spiritual awareness had advanced. However, in terms of this word I found this is not the case. You held this word as a part of the highest teachings, eg Lankavatara.
Because the word has been made banal, it occurred to me to approach it from the nature of duality, about which little is said (Buddha did expound on it better than presently). Assuming that our experiences, dual in nature, are resolved or balanced through samsara/suffering or sufficient self-inquiry, I wondered what could be the "final duality" of experience leading to the mind's freeing of egoic attachment (letting go/crossing the threshold to enlightenment, so to speak).
Concurrently and even during and after my time with you in India, I have observed many Dharma followers and some teachers who appear to be "stuck in emptiness" or "addicted to bliss." Such references are not uncommon especially the "trap" of emptiness. The features of each would be familiar to you so I won't elaborate them here. I also have experienced both at various times.
What if these two states represent the final duality in the human experience of consciousness? That when resolved, there is a fuller awareness, or "transcendence" into realization of oneness? In addition to being of jnani/academic interest, there may be a practicality in that recognizing a seeker as stuck in one, their attention could be directed to the other to become "unstuck," and allow them to transcend to unitive or even true nondual awareness. (I suggest that unitive awareness is actually a duality with non-unitive, or many-ness). I'm summarizing my longer contemplation here for brevity. I have referred to several classic texts and inquired of local philosophers and lesser teachers, and although the separate ideas have been developed I haven't quite found this specific conceptualization.
Love,
Joel
Taking refuge in Dharma and Buddha, now looking for my sangha:)
5-5-12 (1 hour later!)
Dearest Joel,
Sahara said he did answer you and suggested you meet us in Australia.
We don't feel that the website is not good, it is exactly what I want ...just a presentation page.
I don't have any neurotic personalities around me Beloved Joel.
The videos are fine and actually, I am not so fond of videos and would
rather take them off than to replace them for now.
I love that you feel the message from here surpasses others. There are really many
great souls on planet right now that are very compelling.They are not of the satsangh scene.
I love that you wish to do something for me and perhaps it is possible, but for now...
I do not know what that is because everything you mentioned is wrong...is ok with me as it is..
Love you dearly.
Sahara is very busy with the Africa journey and likely just got swamped.
ShantiMayi
5-5-12
Dear ShantiMayi,
My apologies for making erroneous assumptions and for being derogatory in any way to anyone. I hope your wanderings keep you safe. I'll follow along and observe what unfolds:)
Love,
Joel
5-8-12
Dear Master,
I'd like to share with you one of my inquiries, with the hope that you can reply as to whether it has enough merit to for further or ongoing contemplation. I'm calling it the "final duality."
When I returned my attention to the "spiritual journey" in January, I noticed the widespread use of the term nonduality. Your use of this word was uncommon in the late '90s, so I was inspired that people's spiritual awareness had advanced. However, in terms of this word I found this is not the case. You held this word as a part of the highest teachings, eg Lankavatara.
Because the word has been made banal, it occurred to me to approach it from the nature of duality, about which little is said (Buddha did expound on it better than presently). Assuming that our experiences, dual in nature, are resolved or balanced through samsara/suffering or sufficient self-inquiry, I wondered what could be the "final duality" of experience leading to the mind's freeing of egoic attachment (letting go/crossing the threshold to enlightenment, so to speak).
Concurrently and even during and after my time with you in India, I have observed many Dharma followers and some teachers who appear to be "stuck in emptiness" or "addicted to bliss." Such references are not uncommon especially the "trap" of emptiness. The features of each would be familiar to you so I won't elaborate them here. I also have experienced both at various times.
What if these two states represent the final duality in the human experience of consciousness? That when resolved, there is a fuller awareness, or "transcendence" into realization of oneness? In addition to being of jnani/academic interest, there may be a practicality in that recognizing a seeker as stuck in one, their attention could be directed to the other to become "unstuck," and allow them to transcend to unitive or even true nondual awareness. (I suggest that unitive awareness is actually a duality with non-unitive, or many-ness). I'm summarizing my longer contemplation here for brevity. I have referred to several classic texts and inquired of local philosophers and lesser teachers, and although the separate ideas have been developed I haven't quite found this specific conceptualization.
Love,
Joel
5-10-12
Dearest Joel, It has never been "duality nor non duality" both terms are
essential and encompassed within "Totality". There is nothing other than
Totality and all that is is itself "Totality".
Here is South Africa,where I am, it is difficult to get on line...
I am at a web place and not "my place". My email is full because
Totality and all that is is itself "Totality".
Here is South Africa,where I am, it is difficult to get on line...
I am at a web place and not "my place". My email is full because
I haven't been able to get to it for a long time....
So quickly...I must move along.
Love you dearly
ShantiMayi
So quickly...I must move along.
Love you dearly
ShantiMayi
5-13-12
Dear Master,
Thank you for always reminding of that which is beyond all dualities. I know you're incredibly busy:)
I would like to know if my inquiry has merit for further contemplation, essentially am I on the right track? I don't ask for more than a confirmation, although anything is appreciated.
I've observed repeatedly seekers being stuck in the isolation or coldness of empty awareness, or addicted to the mindless high that bliss brings them. Stuck in either for years or even decades, appearing half-way awake.
Could it be that getting the empty one to turn attention to heart opening, and pointing the one lost in bliss to serious self-inquiry, will "unstick" them and allow opening to the full appreciation of unity?
I removed qualifications and other explanation for brevity, hoping the essence of the inquiry is still there.
I really, really appreciate all that you have done and are doing for expanding my heart and deepening my awareness!
Love always,
Joel
MANY MORE AFTER THIS, saved elsewhere, leading up to India trip in Jan 2013
MANY MORE AFTER THIS, saved elsewhere, leading up to India trip in Jan 2013
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