Monday, March 12, 2012

John Sherman's teaching, "The Looking"

This morning I wrote this post to John's discussion forum, pending moderation: I recently discovered John's teaching of the Looking, and realize that it worked
for me before I even knew about it. I had the "I lost it, I want it back" experience. What happened is that in 2000, after 3 years of intense, burning obsession to go as deeply as possible, and be free of all suffering, and seeing a dozen teachers from here to India I had a breakthrough and realized that I was no longer the doer, was empty of self and its attachments, and felt the infinite flow of the great heart. In other words, things were good! It made my life effortless, and people noticed the change, for a few months anyway. Then I "lost it" it. I missed, it but because my life had been nicely re-oriented things were going well.  I left it alone, just happy for the experience.
2011, eleven years later, I'm going full circle in the illusion, again buried in my own suffering, tired of my job, etc. I start wondering if I can get back my "lost enlightenment," but I'm afraid of going through those years of obsession and burning again. But there was nothing left to do - nothing but continue my suffering, so I just went for it. I started looking at my past, and what had happened, how I was then. I started reading, going to teachings, meditating. I kept spinning on my old story. Then I started looking at what was going on with me [I]now.[/I] I did that because it seemed there was nowhere else to look. As soon as I started turning my attention to who I was in the present moment, a shift started occurring. It took three weeks. The shift "finalized" a month ago, and I waited to share it to make sure it's not just a flash of experience of our "true nature." I know now that awareness beyond infinity and eternity came just by looking, but looking fully, and into the present moment.
Those of us who "lose" our awakening, can we stop looking back at who we were before, and like John says, look fully at who we are now? How simple! We had to turn over so many stones on our journey to get here, yet we don't even know we are here until we really look. Thanks for helping me recognize that all I had to do was LOOK. There wasn't a formula or fancy set of Sanskrit words, or a dozen teachers, or anything but me, the infinity.
Addendum: I downloaded audio file of my dialog with John from last week. It's in my SPIRITUAL desktop folder. My question was pretty clear, as was his answer, although he addressed the topic from the POV of seeker, not my POV.

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