My new observation about the limitation in human capacity to accommodate the infinite light that comes from opening to the Great Heart,
is from my direct experiences. There doesn't seem to be much formal information on it, although I will research that. It does pop up in teachings, and in seekers who share these experiences. What is exciting is that could this be the holdup, the rate-limiting factor in opening to intelligent infinity, and having full awakening?
My experience is that every time I encounter a transmission or feel a connection to the GH, and I am open to it, the body gets energy stirred, sleep ends at 4 or 5 in the morning, inspiration increases, and distracting thoughts such as temptation or frustration are vaporized.
Looking back at 1998 when Shantimayi's darshan cracked my heart open and I moved into all-consuming desire for enlightenment, it is clear that the 2000 experience of not being the doer ended after 6 months because I had reached my capacity to absorb this light. Now, picking up where I left off, not backsliding, this capacity is increasing, expanding. I'm much more cognizant of it though, and unlike before won't settle for a "finish line."
I don't like metaphors, they always seem to distance the truth, but when one has done the best one can yet has not reached the final limit of what the mind can comprehend, there they are. Of course no thoughts ,words, or metaphors can do more than point to the Truth. That cannot be asserted enough, and neither can the statement that nothing about the Truth can be asserted be told too many times.
The heart being cracked open, from suffering, desire, or by whatever grace or effort comes about, allows a sliver of transmission of this infinite light. It is like the sun's brilliant rays glowing underneath a door. It is like watching the sunrise through closed eyes. Then moving through our fears and fueled by the desire for more, we crack open the door, and the rays hit us in the face, and aha! We think we got it, because it's so bright we can't take anymore, and we're full and satisfied. I have awakened! The body reacts from the energy, the mind is content with new awareness. For some of us, that's it! Like me in 2000. But opening the door all the way would have incinerated me back then. What did I know? Apparently I wasn't ready or patient enough to wait for the expansion I need to continue opening the door.
Now the door is opening further, and my body signals that capacity is increasing. I go to satsangs where there is more light than others, get emails and hear audios from Shantimayi that are more personal than before, and feel the Great Heart presence from some teachers more than others.
Now it's obvious why seekers don't go to certain teachings, or sit mutely in the back row, or cry in front of the sangha. It's clear why they tell the common story "I don't know why I am here." The heart is still closed, or it could be said that it is open just enough to perceive how brilliant this light is. When the heart opens enough to let more light in, and the brilliance radiates into our beingness, we are quickly filled to capacity.
Somebody called one who I experienced as a great heart teacher "kindergarten." It is a perception from one who doesn't know the light of the Great Heart even exists. Years on the journey with deep awareness of emptiness, their heart has not yet cracked open.Then there are the loyal students who bask in the glow of this radiant being. The light is streaming through the partly opened doorway, and they are maxed out. In bliss, lacking awareness of the need to find greater capacity? Or is it fear of burning up in the intense light?
I'm just becoming aware of the full intensity of this light, and how the satguru can manifest it. I'm watching it through the energies in my body and the effects it has on the arisings in my mind, my inspiration, and any attachments that come and go. It is purifying, integrating, and balancing. It is amazing!
How quickly can I expand my capacity? Will I burn up? When will I be finished?
All I can do is allow it, be in it fully. Stay connected with Shantimayi, Pamela, wherever this infinite light seems to focus. I can never contain it, and it cannot be embodied because it alll bodies arise from it. How does it relate to the infinite potential of the resent moment? It seems to be the source of all created things, or the illusion of many-ness that is oneness. The source of consciousness? How does divine love relate?
All of the jnaniisms come from inspiration that comes from the GH, and the brighter the light that can be handled by the jnani, the better and truer the words will sing, so it seems.
The last question here is how is it possible that an enlightened person can appear to be comfortable and play in the full glare of this light?
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