May I have this dance?

I turned to look at the back lit numbers on the digital clock. It was 1:16 am, and I exhaled and sought empty mind until I fell back to sleep. I did it again at 5:00 am,

and then before I arose from bed at 6:10. And again after I visited the bathroom, sitting on the sofa with pillows stuffed against my back. I'm cheating, I think, and laugh at myself. I look for empty mind as I type this, but it doesn't come now because thoughts stick to words and there is the old sense of me doing something. The voluntary me, the one that moves into action on command, and considers itself the center of the action.

The emptiness is not empty, I notice, during those moments of emptiness. It's very full. And when the emptiness is veiled by a sense of me being the doer, it is still full. That's something! Ha ha, I can put my finger on it, this Great Heart of fullness. What do they call this heart, in the nonduality teachings? I'll find out soon, because in 3 hours I will be at an appointment with my teacher.

What to do now? The only thing that comes to mind is to watch this dance of fullness with emptiness, until they become fixed or "integrated." And the other thing to do is allow the flowing in and out of darkness and delusion.

In the space of a vast dancehall, Emptiness and Fullness move perfectly and effortlessly together. Excuse me, may I have this dance? says Darkness to Fullness.
Of course, says Fullness, turning Emptiness over to Darkness. Now Darkness and Emptiness do their melancholic dance until Delusion steps in. Delusion and Darkness do something that doesn't look like a dance at all! After some time they fatigue, and Emptiness steps back in to dance with Delusion, restoring an uneasy sense of order to things.
While Empiness can wait, Fullness is not so patient. I'll take this dance, it says, stepping in to embrace Emptiness once again.

Eventually, both Darkness and Delusion tire and leave the dance floor. They do that because that is the way it's supposed to be, and that is the true nature of things.