took 1,000 years to reach the earth, so the light is from the past. But we don't think of the light of the sun as being from the past. It only took a few minutes to get here, so it's in the now. Then where does the now end and the past begin?
I know the answer, because I experienced it directly. In the past, I was in the present moment of the Now. But right now I'm not experiencing it, because I lost it. That's all explained on my page "The Past." The reason I can say I know where the now ends and the past begins is because knowing is with the mind, and the mind can know a great deal. But the deeper reason is because the direct experience of the present moment is unlike any other experience, and the memory of it is unlike any other memory. I can talk about the Now. I can talk about freedom, eternity, and infinity, and sound like I know what I'm saying, because I really do know. But I'm not experiencing it directly. There's a huge difference, and that's why some teachers of enlightenment make me angry. They pretend they are awakened to the true state of awareness.Some of those who do spiritual work (and even some who don't) reach a sort of bliss and think they have awakened. I suspect there are even those who awaken and then lose it, like I did. They can fool you for a while. However when you get close to your spiritual awakening, or have awakened, they can't fool you for a heartbeat. A teacher who fools people like that is causing a tragedy, because they are an obstacle to the greatest gift we can ever receive in our lifetime: enlightenment to the truth. That's why they make me angry.
Most teachers don't do that. I'm going to a weekly spiritual discussion and meditation class. The teacher has been on the path for 20 years, and he shows vulnerability and admits he is not awakened. He's a good teacher because he has the courage to explore deeply. He doesn't ask for anything in return, not even donations, and he even puts out a bowl of delicious chocolates for everyone. But last week he said "none of us know freedom." I had to sit on my hands and keep quiet, because I didn't want the class to think I was trying to be the teacher. The next day I sent him an email and asked for a Skype session. I told him "I know freedom absolutely, but knowing is only with the mind. I'm not experiencing it directly now. I had that experience though, and that's how I know it."
He was interested and we had a discussion about my past experience. He wished he could have it, and he asked me why I wasn't doing everything I could to get it back. "Because of fear," I told him, and I shared my fears. Then I asked him what fear was it that was delaying his awakening, because 20 years is a long time to be on the path.
"I don't know," he said. I wanted to tell him that's why you aren't awakening. We have to know our fears before we can overcome them and awaken. But I didn't say it, because I'm not a teacher, and it wouldn't be polite. I just felt gratitude that I know my own fears, because that is one less thing to delay my awakening. "I'll have to look into that," he said. It will be interesting to keep going to class and see if he does. I hope so.
You notice that I keep sharing things in the past, and we are supposed to be talking about now. That's because there is a story unfolding, and how can a story be complete without referring to such events? Writing in the now when one is not awakened, is just a stream of consciousness, and that's usually garbage. We need to be patient, and see where this goes. However patience was never my virtue, so the chances are it will go somewhere fast.
(This is actually the third blog in this story. The first two are in The Past).
